What a room full of strangers taught me about courage
7 min read
By nature, I am not a very talkative person. Not until I get used to people, anyway.
Yes, I have done presentations. I have written research papers and presented them in front of my class. But that was a controlled space. I knew almost everyone in the room, I was comfortable, and it was a class of about thirty people who were just as confused as I was.
When The Room Got Bigger
Then I joined the family business, and that controlled space turned into the entire world. Honestly, it was terrifying. Clients, meetings, people I had never met, all expecting me to speak with confidence about what we do.
After a few days of that, I decided it was high time I got over it. So I started small. I began making videos on topics that interested me, with nothing in mind except clearing my fright. No audience in front of me, just a camera and my own voice.
Soon after, one of my mother’s friends told her about a group of people who meet every Thursday. “He should join,” she said. “It will help him get over his fear.” I said yes instantly. By then I knew I could not keep avoiding it.
Not As Rare As It Feels
It turns out I am far from the only one. This fear is studied properly, and the numbers are interesting. In the Chapman University Survey of American Fears 2025, only 33.7% of Americans said they were afraid or very afraid of public speaking, which ranked it 46th out of more than 65 fears.
A third of people. That is still one in every three people you walk past.
But being low on a list does not make the fear any smaller for the person living it. Nobody standing up with shaking hands is thinking about where their fear ranks.
Two Words
I remember my first meeting clearly. When my turn came, I barely got two words out. My hands were shaking and I was stumbling over every sentence, even though I knew my business inside and out.
That is the strange part. This fear is usually not about your business, or even about what you are going to say. It is about how the person across from you is going to receive it. How they are going to judge you, and judge your work.
When we were kids, we read about the fight or flight response in our biology textbooks. The body sensing danger and preparing to either face it or run from it. What I did not understand back then is that the body does not need real danger to react this way. The root of this fear is usually the fear of being judged, but the body responds physically as if it were a genuine fight or flight situation. The brain’s survival system switches on in a room where nobody is actually going to hurt you.
That is why it feels the way it does. Trembling, sweating, a racing heartbeat and shortness of breath are all common physical signs of this fear. My body was preparing for a threat that did not exist, while my mind was trying to remember what I sell.
So what did I do? I chose fight.
What will you choose?
It took me a while. But slowly I got to a place where I could tell myself: nobody in this room knows my business better than I do, so I can do this.
What Strangers Said
That first week, after the meeting ended, a few people walked up to me. I did not even know who they were.
“We understand what you are going through,” they said. “Nobody here is judging you. Take a deep breath and just focus on what you are saying. Nobody knows what you do better than you. We are all here to help.”
I did not know it then, but they were telling me something science had already proven. People who are nervous about giving a speech believe their nervousness is more obvious to the audience than it really is. Psychologists call it the illusion of transparency. And here is the part that stayed with me: simply telling speakers that their nervousness was less visible than they believed improved their speeches, both in their own eyes and in the eyes of the people watching.
Those strangers did exactly that for me, without a single study in their hands.
When The Strangers Got Names
Soon, this room full of people I had not known a day before my first meeting became a room full of friends.
Every meeting, David sir would come and sit beside me. “Hey kid, how are you doing? You’re doing well.” Then he would crack a few jokes until I calmed down. Ramprasad sir would sit on my other side and quietly change the topic, pulling me into whatever funny conversation he and David sir were having. Honestly, it worked. By the time my turn came, I stood up far more confident than I sat down.
Sometime later, I found out there was a reason it worked so well. In one study, 37 healthy men were put through the Trier Social Stress Test, which involved giving a speech and then doing mental arithmetic in front of a panel of evaluators. Some of them were given support from their best friend while they prepared, and the others had no support. The result was clear. Social support lowered their levels of cortisol, the stress hormone, during the test.
The jokes were not just jokes. They were doing something to my body.
Then came Gourav bhai. He was maybe the third person I got to know in that room, and it took me a minute to open up to him. But he has done such a brilliant job of making me comfortable that I now make him do all sorts of small things for me. I call him at odd hours, even between meetings, sometimes for advice and sometimes just to crack jokes. He always picks up. Always.
Reshma caught me completely off guard. I usually do not share anything deep with anyone, especially women, no matter how friendly they are or how comfortable they make me feel. I am guarded that way. But she put me so much at ease that I now share almost everything with her. Whether I am unwell, hurt inside, or just physically hurt, she is the first person I talk to. She has this strange strength that somehow builds strength back in me. And the funny part is, she is younger than me. After talking to her, I sometimes feel I do not know anything about life. Then I quickly go back to making fun of her.
Nishith and Baalaji are two people I connected with instantly. No matter how much we make fun of each other, no matter how much we tease, there is never any hurt in it. Nobody ever feels it was said on purpose. It is all fun and games, because we truly know the person sitting in front of us.
And last but definitely not least, Aaditya sir, Medini ma’am and Rana sir. Whenever I was feeling off, or after I had left early for a doctor’s appointment, a message would come. “Hey, how are you doing? I saw you left early. Is everything okay?”
A small message. But it told me someone had noticed I was not there.
Quieter, Not Gone
I will be honest. The fear has not completely disappeared. But it is much quieter now than it was on that first Thursday.
Part of that is simply showing up. Studies of public speakers have found that anxiety tends to decrease progressively with continued exposure, a process known as habituation. One study even suggested that speaking only once could make the fear worse by confirming what the person already dreaded, and that repeated presentations were what brought lasting relief.
So standing up every single week mattered. But I do not think I would have kept standing up if the room had stayed a room full of strangers.
Find Your People
This is not an attempt to tell you how to beat your fear. Honestly, I cannot speak for that, because I am still figuring it out myself.
But here is what I do know. I walked into that room to fix a fear. I did not expect to walk out with people who would sit beside me, pick up my calls at odd hours, notice when I left early, and tease me until I forgot to be nervous. The science can explain why it worked. It cannot explain how lucky I feel that it happened.
So all I can say is this: find your people. They will help you through it, even on the days you cannot find your own voice.
The Echo
I went looking for a way to be louder than my fear. Instead, I found people who made it quieter. Who are your people, and have you ever told them what they mean to you?
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